* Please note this approach is not recommended if you are suffering from domestic violence or you should at least talk with a lawyer to see if it could be useful.
You know that you have reached the end of your relationship. What’s maybe not so clear is how you approach a divorce from a position of working together instead of in opposition.
Simplified Process–Without Collaborative Professionals
If you feel strongly that the both of you are on good footing and can fill out the pleading documents/documents that start the dissolution together, then you can begin the process.
However, while you can file an agreed petition/joinder, parenting plan, and final orders, you may want to set some ground rules as you work on the petition. Some of these ground rules may be taking a day-break if things become heated while discussing the division of property, etc. You may try only communicating in email about the dissolution. Another idea, might be to place firm limitations around when you discuss aspects of the dissolution i.e. from 4-5pm Wednesdays and Thursdays or some other time.
You may also need to work out an agreement for living arrangements while you work on the dissolution. In a traditional case, this might all be resolved in a temporary orders process where a judge makes temporary orders on these issues. However, when you work together you both get to decide what works best for you.
One idea might be for you to both reside in the house but you have a written agreement of rules about contact as mentioned above. This agreement may also include details on who will pay what bills, who will drive what car, how the children will be taken care of, if any and the list goes on.
The main point is that you will need some immediate agreements to govern how you will live while the dissolution process plays out. Remember, even if you agree, the soonest you can finalize the dissolution after filing and service is after 90-days.
After you file all the required documents for a dissolution, you wait the 90-days and then you can finalize your dissolution/divorce.
Process–With Collaborative Professionals
Your first step may be for each of you to consult with a collaborative attorney. Your collaborative attorney may have suggestions of other collaborative professionals the other party may also contact to begin the process. It is best that you have two collaborative professionals when working in the collaborative process.
Depending on the situation, you may then engage a neutral financial professional and a neutral mental health professional. In certain cases, with children, a child specialist may be necessary.
You can then have your initial meeting as a group where you go over the participation agreement and set guidelines up front for how meetings will go. It’s important to note that the participation agreement prohibits the collaborative professionals from representing you in litigation should the collaborative process fail. This space should be a safe space where you can truly work to come to a resolution on matters that deeply impact your life. This should not be a space where you or the other party have to worry about things you say being used against you in court one day. Thus, attorneys cannot represent you if the process fails in court.
You can have as many or as little meetings as you need to complete your process. Keep in mind, though, that costs may end up dictating how many meetings you have.
Another important thing to keep in mind is that this process varies greatly from a typical litigation family law case. You will see the other attorney being polite to the other party and other attorney, which may seem surprising due to typical connotations of family law cases. This process doesn’t need to be more traumatizing than it already is and having a cordial process helps to keep it as trauma and stress free as possible.